I been waiting for some time to share it. Sometimes I love to but maybe I scared of backlash. But after today, I realized sometimes people needs to know the reality.
This weekend has been one of the most tiring weekend I had in recent times.
Especially after one long crazy session of worship on Saturday then preaching on Sunday. Coupled with handling ministry matters. Details, details, details. Then, I had a series of unfortunate events. Haha, not that kind of movie/storybook/series.. but yea. I never felt so exhausted emotionally, physically and spiritually in recent times.
So tired that I cancel all my outing/dating plans for the long weekend. Thankfully, my loving wife understand it.
Even if I can go on, I running beyond empty fuel/tank. Sometimes way beyond it. Way powerful than any petrol out there. You may say Jesus is the fuel eventually, well, true but sometimes we need to admit to our human side to know and realized we need Him.
Even Jesus, in the Bible, we learnt that after a long ministering period, he too retreat and spend some time to recuperate. As years goes by, I understand why.
When you give your best, when you pour out your life.. sometimes you need to fill back that "tank". As human-ly as we are, we need that.
So I just want to say that I apologize if sometimes I turned down invitations to go for meals or going anywhere for socializing because most of the time, I need time and space to "recover". It's not because that I am anti-social, it's because I really need to rest.
Even if I joined, I am not sociable as I (or you) would like. I will probably be quiet. Probably "busy playing my hp" (which my wife would be not pleased) or probably not making sense when I talk.
Now I understand why some pastors that I know doesn't go out that often. It's not that we don't want to socialize, God knows we love to, but in reality, you cannot fathom how exhausting that person went through.
Lately I going through a period where everything comes fast and furious. I know it sounds like that movie but literally it is. Honestly, a lot of times I feel I could have handled some of the situation better if I was in a better or healthier self. So emotionally, I know I reacted badly to a lot of things. For that, I am really sorry. We can't be perfect no matter who we are.
Sometimes I feel annoyed that I have to apologize for things that is not really my fault at the first place but what to do, we live in a fallen world.
That's why we need God's grace. Something I preached about today and still important for everyone to learn.
Some people have asked over the years if I want to "go away for retreat". I do actually but somehow the timing haven't been right, I can't be selfish or irresponsible to dump what I do and be away. I rather make sure all is well than to let my retreat be interrupted.
But anyway, please remember me in your prayers. It's never a battle against flesh and blood, but a spiritual one.
Meanwhile, I am always thankful for people who worked hard to support the ministry I am in. From worship team to ushers to leaders to friends and family, and especially my wife. Thank you all for making life worthwhile.
Hoping for MU's win later at Burnley... >P