raindrops falling on my windows, cause I dont have a Mac..

It's been raining lately..how I wish I can sleep through each morning..

After this morning's devotion, I remembered once last year, when everything seems so perfect, I pray that I can be tested to see if everything is taken away, if I lose it all, will I still able to stand and worship Him like never before? Dangerous prayer? I think so. Coz it really happen.

One year plus on, I wondered if I ever learn anything or became better from that prayer. Let God judge me on that. It's hard for even myself to say or conclude..coz in some situation I think I got off better but some I still feel I didnt fare well.

After all, I prayed this morning, that Lord this time, please restore in me the joy of Your salvation - as it is written on Psalms 51:12. I hope this time, my prayer can be answered as well.

Anyway..I m losing ideas and inspiration to blog...help me Lord...help me friends...

Lotsa things on my mind that causes me to lose inspiration to blog or even touch my Tumblr. That's why I spend so much time on Facebook and Twitter to relax coz they are not that taxing in terms of getting so much things out of my weary mind.

I wondered if it is good to have so many things in mind. Because if dont have, am I considered lazy? Just wondering in the midst of wondering too much.

Been busy adjusting the songbook AGAIN. Doing it is like birth pain.

And looking forward to be in at Kota Kinabalu. Really excited to be there..cant wait!!

PS: Listening Switchfoot's Hello Hurricane album now. Love the songs in it. :)

I'm Still Yours

If You washed away my vanity
If You took away my words
If all my world was swept away
Would You be enough for me?
Would my beating heart still sing?

If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away?
If You take it all, this life You've given
Still my heart will sing to You

When my life is not what I expected
The plans I made have failed
When there's nothing left to steal me away
Will You be enough for me?
Will my broken heart still sing?

If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away?
If You take it all, this life You've given
Still my heart will sing to You

Even if You take it all away
You'll never let me go
You take it all away and I still know
That I'm Yours, I'm still Yours
Oh, I'm Yours, I'm still Yours

I'm still Yours

(taken from KUTLESS' latest album, IT IS WELL)

dear diary : now is nov pt 3

I m overwhelmed with thoughts, questions, words, perhaps with emotions as well. So much that I duno where to vomit them.

There were days I type very long words of laments and complains. Sometimes maybe God works in funny ways - when I about to send them, the internet line wasnt stable so I unable to connect to cyberspace. By the time I m back in cyberspace, I lost mood sending my complains because I think I have move on and over it and being fine with it. I hope so. Hope so.

Apart from that, the unpredictable nature of the weather sometimes making me unwell. I still remember on Monday, it was so cold. I never thought I have to go dinner and lepakking with my jacket. I feel like a westerner that time. haha. But as long I take care myself, I m doing good.

Yupz, that brings me to next topic - cold weather makes you crave for hot and warm stuff. Somehow Korean food fits the bill...I had it on Monday night.So now I understand how people living in 4 season climate feels. haha.

I watched 2012 on Wednesday. It was little too long for me. First 2 hours was good then the last few minutes made me bored. Effects was great. Sometimes I wonder what if that happens in real life. It would be crazy and scary to watch a wave that is as tall as Mount Everest.
I read an article that compares 2012 to the Day after Tomorrow. Same director as well. Fair thought, I felt the Day after Tomorrow seems more interesting when I think about it. Mmm..how about your opinion?

Been listening to lots of music/songs - mainly Kutless and Switchfoot's new album were always played in my music players. Love their album and enjoyed it as well. Someways somehow, their songwriting inspired me to work on new materials. I managed to wrote a few these days but I m not limiting my songwriting to a certain topic - but composing them according to what I feel. Be it about worshipping God or about what I feel about life or about the coffee that I drink. Yes it's fun.. it's my ambition as well that I can write songs in various genre so other people can sing them..not just me. Sky is the limit, people say. Each time I hear a song on the radio, I hope/pray that someday someone else can sing my composed songs. Maybe that song doesnt suit me but could suit that person - i rather have him/her doing it.

Before I go far, right now, I just focus what I can do now.

Sometimes it seems like waiting is all we can do. Ya. Waiting.

Waiting for the world to change. That's what John Mayer sung.

But will it?

"that's why we keep on waiting (waiting)..waiting for the world to change" said John Mayer.

PS : Looking forward to go on the road again in KK.

dear diary : now is nov pt 2

Mm..to sum up what I feel about this week, I learn that sometimes we must be on guard and careful with something that the world call emotion.

It's such a complicated thing yet sometimes it affects any human being a lot.

I admit sometimes I m emotional but when I think of some things that happen recently, I feel sometimes it's wise that I cannot leave some loop holes open. There's a saying that goes, give the devil an inch and he will be a ruler. So ya, I trying to careful, praying for protection and being cautious as well.

Testing times indeed. aih. And my patience level is always pushed to its limits. That's why sometimes I prefer to keep quiet and not say anything. If anything testing my limits, i admit i rather walk away than being exposed to more 'gunshots'.

Just ironic sometimes. Discipleship training recently, I learn about being on guard especially in spiritual realm. O mm..

Anyway laments aside...

Monday night I went for food adventure with Garry..

We had this Tau Fu Far that's unique. Instead of plain soya, it has various favours like pandan, strawberry, chocolate, etc.

Then we had this famous PJ state duck rice. Nice...like what most people said.

Then I took Garry to try the famous durian pastry stuff. Awesome as well.

I enjoyed such journey. I told him we should do it more often whenever we can. Like starting a food blog eh..haha..

Wednesday I went to KL town to walk and do abit of shopping. Manage to get myself a nice jacket. Quite satisfied with it..duno why..but i must learn to save money..duno why also. haha.

Maybe deep inside me, I want certain things. I dream of owning my own house..perhaps a studio..then buy few nice gadgets..like guitars.

Hey, I m not shy to share this here but I know all it's God's will and His blessings. For now, I will pray and save some money. I looking towards the future..whether is for my next album or future family. Ya, money makes the world go round isnt it.. but I learning how to trust God in it even though sometimes it's hard to see how it gonna happen. But like i said earlier, it's all up Him. Bible said, man can have plans but it's God's will that prevails.

Darren shared something like that with me when we had dinner together. Sometimes life is so unpredictable that even though we had plans, sometimes it wont go exactly like how we intended to be. I can testify to that statement whole heartedly, sometimes feel burden over it, however, I feel life is so short sometimes for me just to sit down and wine about it. I wish the world and time can just stop for me to settle down but it does not so.

How come suddenly I go into reflective mood..oh boy...haha..anyway....

Thursday, I should count myself a lucky boy to spend my meals with Bishop Moon Hing the whole day. I had breakfast, lunch and dinner with Bishop Moon Hing. It was his birthday anyway. Breakfast and lunch was with him at FCC because there was an archdeaconary meeting then dinner at his house with few former SPC people.

Well..all I can say is I was fed all on Thursday for me. haha.

Realized that pic quite funny..Bishop and wife in front and behind as well. lol.

Friday, my office pc officially went out of business. BOS I WANT A NEW LAPTOP..pleassseeee..

Quite randomly few days ago, I met a former band member from now defunctional group Edge of Fire. We chatted..shared about music and stuff..really just random actually met this person but glad to meet him and share things about music and worship as well.

Weekend, well, I would say I enjoyed it and please with myself for doing my things well.

I guess that's all i want to say. Lately I just feel life is too short for me to waste and I just want to do the best that I can even though sometimes obstacles along the way.

Trying to get some rest and breather now. Or else I will type non-sense here.

thanks twitter..

Saw a few words on Twitter that worth pondering..

You have just enough time to do God's will.If u cant get it all done, you're doing the wrong thing or doing it the wrong way - RICK WARREN

"How can you expect a man who's warm to understand one who's cold?" - Solzhenitsyn

all poets, all writers are political.they either maintain the status quo or they say, "something's wrong let's change it for the better. - Sonia Sanchez

Anyway, saw this cover done by Butch Walker..his take on Taylor Swift's You belong to Me. I thought it was cool. Again, thanks to Twitter that I discovered it..straight from Taylor's Twitter, it seems she likes it too. haha.

Can I not sleep? I seems want to do a lot of things from my work to playing games to watching shows on my PC. Aih.

dear diary : now is nov pt 1

Mmm..my highlight was watching lotsa movies in a week..2 in cinema and few others at my comfort of my own house PC.

Ok, at cinema, I watched Time Traveller's Wife and Cloudy.

Time Traveller's Wife was nice but you have to stick to the storyline closly to figure which time the story is heading coz Henry(Eric Bana) keeps jumping through time space. It is based on a book..so was wondering also if it manage to capture the essence of the book's story.
As for Cloudy, I watched in 3D ... and boy, the experience was awesome..totally love it. Watching in 3D is indeed a different experience. But if I didnt watch it in 3D, I thought Cloudy's story is just so-so. Just that the 3D experience, well, pretty cloud that fact from me at first. haha.

Something borders me..

Is life can be full of ironies or i have a hidden gift of prophesy?

Here's one..during Weds evening, I duno why during my nap..something made me to make this short and simple prayer that I can see someone. Wokeup from it then open my PC to email my work. Then someone called and I went to picked that someone. Ya, I didnt realize it at first...just move on with my life and do my own stuff...until 6 hours later I realize what happen..which make me feel..o gosh, so scarily happen!

There are few more similar things that happen but sometimes it's scary when you see it coming out real or sense it will happen. It's like nightmare before Christmas.

Ironies can be funny sometimes but sometimes I need more serious answers to many questions in my life. Seriously. Prayer? sometimes I wonder if I prayed hard enough.

Wednesday I met up with a friend that I havent met for a long time and we had good time catching up. Probably that dinner brighten up my day..coz I was little emo the whole day that time. One of my best outings this year..had lotsa fun..sometimes I wish I can have such fun week in week out or even everyday.
Anyway I went L4D in the day time earlier (again scarily, like what I wanted/pray) with Vic, Wayne, Garry earlier..which helps abit also.

I had Tuesday day off since Weds I was at office to oversee people cleaning the church carpet. I was well rested on Tuesday.

Plus, the doctor's medication works on me. I look like a normal person again. Yay!!

Friday, celebrated my manager Denise's birthday with her bf and other close friends at TGIF. I enjoyed it there..food is great too.

Ya, that's bring me to say..I been eating a lot for dinner for the past 3 nights. Wednesday I had Carls. Thursday I had Williams. Friday I had TGIF. Time to control my eating habits wei...start to feel scare when looking at food now -.-

Weekend service was good. Awesome time. That's what I love to do week in week out. Just throw myself into God's presence.
Send Pastor Moses to the airport and I admit sometimes I love talking to foreigners. We were talking about life in US..gave me more indepth about America..then reach home, disappointed about MU's match..luck wasnt on own side. Seems we controlled the match well, but life is a b**** sometimes, it wont go your way sometimes. That pretty sums my feeling on Sunday coz I realized sometimes in life, things is so superficial.

Part of me few days ago praying for fresh wind to sweep me. Duno why. Sometimes things feel so mundane to me..sometimes too tired by various things. I duno if it is a dangerous prayer but sometimes I m feel fresh wind could inspire me abit more.

Anyway, let's move on. Just realized this has been a long wining post. haha.