day 140 of 2020

What I am about to say is actually I’ve been sparing saying it before, like early days of MCO via blog. As days go by, like I said before, I never thought that my learning in media field helped me to navigate with the season of online service.

Maybe some would realize and some wouldn’t know that it’s actually doubled the work needed to be done. Everything needed to be done early whether it’s preaching or leading worship. Personally while this is something I enjoy doing but it’s stressful and tiring at the same time. I remember in one of the sermons that I recorded, I actually did a lot of takes because I wasn’t happy with some details in each video.

Much respect to everyone involved and same can be said to every Malaysian churches’ pastors, staff and media team. We are responding to situation as best as we can with the resources that we have while learning to improve in every areas.

Generally, the season has its ups and downs for me.

I would look at it from two sides. There is one side of me glad that I got to do things that I always wanted to do. I managed to do get my creative brain juice going which largely kept me sane such as songwriting and stuff. Got to do readings and do more devotional reflection. Some days, I am able to get some good mental and physical rest. Able to eat more healthily, thanks to wife’s home cook food. Catchup and discover shows on Netflix. Simple things that sparks joy, so to say.

The other side of me struggle with insecurities, worries, frustration and unhappiness. It’s constant battle in my mind to comprehend my surroundings which sometimes affects me mentally and emotionally. There are things like I wished I could have do more. There are things I wished I don’t need to do anymore. The feeling of disappointed with situations or with the mentality and response of different group of people. The disappointment that things didn’t go according to plan

In short, there were “gains” and there were some disappointment/frustration. Both sides have greatly changed my perspective in one or another.

There are two part of me that is wrestling with other – the optimistic and the pessimistic. Pessimistic side of me wonder how things is gonna be especially about life and things I’m involved but the optimistic side of me believe everything will be better in days to come.

Fair to say, we all have come a long way since MCO happened. It’s close to mid-year and so I just wanna say cheers to all of you for making this far. Whatever happens, I hope your best days will be coming.