I decided to take some time off from everything for 4 days.
Sort of my own mini sabbatical. I wished it can be 4 weeks, 4 months, or 4 years.
But reality, I don't think I am at the right place to be missing for that period of time unless people above me thinks I am qualify to do so.
Truth is, gotta admit, sometimes I am tired of life. Part of me crying out that I need to do something about it or else, I will crash and burn.
I am tired seeing people around me. Be it church or the world. How selfish can we be. How hypocritical we can be. How judgmental we are. How we often think we are better than others.
I am tired to be told what to do. People above me tell me what to do, people around me telling me what to do. Heck, sometimes people below me trying to tell what to do. Man, if I am always in that position, how am I gonna do my job? If I don't listen and make my own decision, someone gotta hurt. I am annoyed that I am always put in that position.
I am tired being someone who always "be there" for anyone. Sometimes I wished for once, someone asked me what I want, what I need instead of being told what to do for them.
The fact that sometimes I feel I have let go a lot of things in life to do what I am doing yet I feel I been giving out too much without being refilled. I always debate with God that life is not fair but the fact is life never have been fair. God never have been fair. He is JUST.
It's easy to tell me 1000 ways to overcome all this stress but truth is I am still human being and I need to redraw and rethink my life a bit more. At the end of the day, whatever happens, I will answer to God on how I live my life.. what I did with it. I don't answer to not anyone else. Sorry to say, I don't need to report to you how I am going to do so.
One mistake sometimes I made is that I held everything too tightly and been trying a tough man to stand strong to handle every situation that comes my way. Truth is, a lot of things in life is out of my hands yet I still trying to be a hero to brave the storm.
In short, i need time to rediscover my passion for my ministry, my music, my life, everything. Me and God. And I appreciate if no one thinks I should do otherwise.
I just want to reevaluate my life, take some space to enjoy my life. I might spend some time alone or maybe just go somewhere for a short trip.
The truth is, we been listening to so much noise.
For once, I wished everyone look at the mirror and think their life through. I don't care you are younger than me or you have lived 50 years more than me. Maybe. just maybe, we need to acknowledge than we no better than anyone.
Talk about change. Well, change yourself before changing others. Be the change before you start preaching, pushing, talking to me about change. Don't wait for others to change, trust me, they will take forever. You be the change. THAT change.
For me, I want to my world to change. For better. Even an inch.
So, that's why I am starting with me. myself. I.