3 months on..

It's been 3 months i have worked..

Sometimes when people ask me the same old common question - How's work? - seriously, sometimes i duno how to answer them. If negative - like bad and all, i think it is an understatement because God's work is always good ^^ . If i say ok, it's boring answer. If good, erm, i dun think i deserve the credit also. I be honest to say that my answer has always been "busy and tiring but all is good"...coz i feel sometimes that's best to sum up my day/work sometimes..

It hasnt been exactly bed of roses so far. I think a few dear diary entries have said it all. Happy moments. Angry moments. Hurting moments. Great moments. Sometimes i get screwed for something i didnt do. I wish i can go back to my life before that. I admit afew times i could have easily gaveup. I cried. I sweat. Tiredness seems like a friend to me. There are few moments i thought i was alone. I wonder why i still be loving people even though they hurt me. There are moments i wonder what God is doing to me. There are moments i feel as though no one understand me. There are moments i feel i just feel like some stupid guy who give up alot of things. There are times i want answers.

Recently i shared this verse, Matthew 5:33 - seek first His kingdom and his righteousness.. - I realize there are few times, because of tiredness and busyness, my mind has stray away. I perhaps have complained without realizing that God is in control. With that, i should set my heart, my trust on God.

I thank God for His faithfulness. Indeed He never fails me. I m always blown away by the support i get, especially from a few friends and my parents. Some are seriously unexpectedly sometimes. My dad especially, i always touched by some of his email to me..here's the latest email he emailed me..
"Keep God always in focus. Spend time with Him. we cannot minister out of our own capabilities and capacity. God expects us to learn to depend on Him. Emotions and feelings come but God can help us through all of them. Preached last week in church, I shared about knowing God. A man who knows God has great energy for God ; has great thoughts of God , has great contentment in God and shows great boldness for God. Knowing God must affect our lives - our attitudes to sin, to obedience to Him and to spiritual maturity. It must affect our actions and our love for Him ( loving Him more than loving the world ). I shared with people in church about your full time work. many of them are happy for you. Just keep close to God"

So ya, sometimes God work in ways that we cant fathom. Times when i thought i m in weak, God encourage me, perhaps through circumstances, blessing or using people to encourage me..

Recently the weekend when in FCC, we were talking about "a call to serve"..after hearing Ps Khee Vun preached on Saturday, Archdeacon John Yeo preached on Sunday then i read a newsletter from West Diocese Bishop Moon Hing, it all became as a reminder to me. Reminded of the moment i cried "Lord here i am, use me as You will.."

But i m not here to gloat about anything. And i duno if anything within me has changed for the past 3 months. for better or worse. I may not realize it perhaps. I just let God shaped me.

As much of many things has happen in the past, i feel more things gonna happen in the future. But what it is all about, well i duno, but as long i keep my focus right, i m able to face it. It's not easy life i m living but these days i realized as long i have God, i m contented for He will lead me on.

"I know O Lord that's a man's life is not his own, it is not for man to direct his step." -JEREMIAH 10:23